Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
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dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
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He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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