i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
