so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize