So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
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