We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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