U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I supernannyed him into submission
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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