420 ftw
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
no. you can't hotbox the world.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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