I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
