Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
