Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
