we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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