Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
