im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
