I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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