remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Randomize
