Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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