hell yes lets make some ravioli
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
