It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
