im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
