Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
