Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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