Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Drunk walkin through police station. America
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
