just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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