I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize