I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize