I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
