If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
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As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
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To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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