a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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