I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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