just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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