hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
