Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whose ass print is on the piano?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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