Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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