I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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