she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
