you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
