After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
No subtext here. People are naked.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
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I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
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Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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