Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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