and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
