I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
