Capitaan dildo arrescate!
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
