I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Randomize
