If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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