in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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