Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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