break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
