Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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