Even the bartender felt bad for me
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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