your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
