if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
My life is pants optional.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
