I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
