remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
