Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
