Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
