dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
