When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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