If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
