you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
