oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
