Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
