I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
