I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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